‘Budget’ airline routes criss-cross India, and so our next trip was a simple matter of getting connections from the Northern plain down to Goa and then a week later to the steamy southern state of Kerala.
To visiting Westerners, Goa is probably one of India’s best known holiday destinations. Away from the hot and crowded sights of the North, Goa offers a coconut charm that has not been lost on visitors since the beginnings of serious tourism – or should I say hedonism?
Our late afternoon arrival at Bambolim, meant that we had to shop on our way to the rented accommodation 45km down the coast. We agreed on a home-made chicken dish with a few bits on the side. Easy little cook-up we thought. The taxi man understood this and dumped us at a darkening dusty crossroads and Jamie went off to the wine shop; the others went to a [sort of] supermarket; leaving 8 year old Henry and me the task of getting chicken. It must have taken a full 30 seconds to realise the taxi had drawn up next to the things sitting in cages by the road. ‘Murghy’ I said, giving him 2 fingers. Before you could utter ‘Vegetarian’ he had grabbed 2 out, lopped off their heads and dropped the twitching bodies into a large plastic drum. Thumping and blood spattered.
Henry just stared; and eventually said, ‘He just chopped off their heads…’
‘I know’, I said, adding something about being certain that we were in for fresh chicken.
Above: A sadistic look from ‘The Butcher of Benaulim’
It’s not easy to overlook that Goa was once a Portuguese colony; the legacies are still clear to see – in the names, the architecture and also the presence of churches and monastic ruins. Rumours abound about missing British aristocracy and wanted bank robbers.
Lord Lucan was reported to be in Goa once upon a time. What would ‘The Good Lord’ look like after 40 years of coconut oil and ‘Players Navy Cut’?
Above: A ‘Wanted Poster’ in Angela’s beach café… A bad looking guy? With a £1200 reward. Henry spent part of the morning watching the beach for a likeness to this unflattering mugshot
Below: Evidence that there might be Christmas after all
Goa also has findable Grog shops
Some of the concoctions here beggar belief. ”Old Oak 12 Years”, ranked at the bottom of the ‘Worlds Worst Whiskies’ must have bettered ”MaQuintosh” Silver Edition – 71 years of Independence? Or Amrut ”Malgam” Festival Malt?
What was Old Oak doing for those long twelve years you might ask. But again we can thank WiFi and Wiki for providing us with distractions such as websites that bother with this sort of stuff.
Below: Our Christmas Gin
Black Jewel – an absolute Gem.
This Italian ‘Masterpiece’ appeared so counterfeit that it failed to show in any of the reviews of the ‘World’s Worst Gins’. Shame, because here you could buy Schweppes Indian Tonic Water. Made under licence, obviously.
Above: The Villa we eventually found – but a day later and in broad daylight. Personally I wouldn’t have chosen the colour [and nor would Farrow and Ball], but it seemed to work in this context
The walk to Sunset Beach – not bad for Christmas. Hardly anyone there but evidence that Russians couldn’t be that far away.
Below: Dan plays an almost straight bat to a rising delivery on the makeshift Sunset Beach wicket
Idiots Abroad. Christmas Day
The view from Angela’s Café on SS Beach
Below: A cheery barman serving the local hooch @ £0.25 a shot. Made from the fermented fruit part of the cashew nut; 43% proof ‘Feni’ is sold in Goa, but nowhere else in India
Part of the fun of the Southern part of India is the immediacy of the food and the understanding that it was local. Couldn’t argue with that, and so for the next two weeks we set about preparing, cooking and eating dishes largely comprised of Coconut, Fish and local spices. One day we ate something in a restaurant, the next we were trying it out at our villa.
Below: a choice of fish from the roadside…
We were in sight of a church and sausages galore. ‘Rosy’ at stall 8 had bangers that could stretch further than the market’s Christmas decorations; but frankly they were disgusting – their consistency or ‘texture’, making chewing these things a dental risk worse than chickpeas in Bombay Mix. All in a place where there was no dental floss.
Chewy in life as well as death.
Success stories – roast fish, coconut and prawn moilee. The latter made in a similar way to its Thai green curry counterpart, but with more emphasis on the coconut.
Below: Scenes from the fish market in Kovalam where stuff is auctioned off before even making it to terra firma. Fish porters [a new one on me] wait for their chance to carry the newly-bought produce to waiting tuk tuks
Below: Upmarket fish market in Salcete, Goa. Prawns [big ones like here], are surprisingly expensive even before matey had fiddled the pricing. They made a good lunch washed down with Kingfisher Storm [beer] and Italian Gin
Clearly not everyone has watched BBC’s ‘Blue Planet’. Above a miserable reminder of just what food poverty comes to. Mini hammerhead and reef sharks hardly large enough to feed one person.
Below: Fish that weren’t sold get the sun treatment – caged against crows and wandering dogs
Below: The day we tried fishing from an [unreasonably] expensive boat…
Just what you want – the ship’s pilot was too sick to register being of use to us foreigners. The boat fare pocketed, he proceeded to vomit and doze whilst we fiddled around with hooks and flapping reef fish.
Beach casting elsewhere. Butterfish returned [to sea] despite the protests of the gathering locals.
Below: Our Keralan Villa. It was a bit isolated but certainly a great find amongst the palms and bananas
Shopping in the market and an appointment with a shifty tailor.
A kingfisher T-Shirt; India ODI; and interestingly a Kerala Blasters shirt [yellow]. To us English [some with Brummie Heritage], the ‘Blasters’, were of interest since they were managed by ex- England and Villa ‘keeper David James.
Lighthouse beach
Boat trip up the back waters – where you were parked up next to a man who ‘sold’ you the chance to drink coconut water. A bit contrived, but hey it’s 20 pence a nut; and the chap doing it has kept all his digits since we visited 2 years ago.
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